VOS – VOL 8 – Keep your head held high to the sky even when the sun isn’t shining

Voice of Soles VOL 8
By: Savanna Kirk – age 17

Girls With Sole is my soul strength to go on! Here is my post/blog of encouragement to know that you deserve the gift of life, and how Girls With Sole has helped me.
So today I would like to share a bit of my life. I will put the gist of my life from tragic to utter happiness.

First I would like to explain what exactly the word definition of tragic is to me in my perspective.
TRAGIC- A bad encounter/experience that makes you a great person for living through it.
I have experienced many tragedies in my life. I would like to say I am glad I have had tragic moments in my life. If I had not been through hell in life… I would never have been the strong person that makes me who I am.

My mother is a proud mom of four children. I was her only planned child, she always says that none of us kids are mistakes though. While she was pregnant with me… she was an alcoholic and drinking while I was in the womb. My bio father did not enable her by providing alcohol for her so she left him. “you should never allow decisions that you cannot take back be kept pent up in your heart, move along the asphalt with a early morning run” – savanna kirk

She has 3 fathers for 4 children. Once she left my dad… instantly she reconnected with my older siblings father. Which brung my dad to not be in my life for the first 11 years of my childhood. He is still not a consistent parent when we first met. He wants nothing to do with a problem child. I love his honesty. Honesty hurts less than lies. It makes you a stronger person to take in the truth and allow room for acceptance.

In a child’s life they need to be provided for. Such as food, housing, and medical. But at the age of one I lived with my mother who had already lost herself to drugs and alcohol. My mother, her boyfriend, and I lived in a boat storage garage at Buckeye Lake in the winter. Concrete floor is not meant to be a bed. We had also moved up a little in my first year of life to living in a car in the winter with no heat.

We got by. Selling drugs provided us with her income. She couldn’t have told you what a job was at the time. She still is not very experienced in any job fields. But it is not to bash on my mom. When you do drugs nothing more is important than finding any way to get your next high. You can convince yourself as much as you want.

From about two years of age to like 4 years old I had been living in a house. My little brother was born a premie baby June 4 2002. I became a big sister. I was told I looked after him when we were the only siblings together. I just go off of what I was told by my mom in this beginning stage of my life. “do not speak of another’s life unless you know it fully” – savanna kirk

My mom went to multiple rehabs. But signed herself out when the real detoxing time came to be faced. During her rehab stays my brother and I would visit Nana an Papaw, pretty much my parents that has both recently passed within the last two years. My older brother an sister lived there. They always offered shelter to me an my mother but her only expectations to live there was to be sober. But I was always welcome. From the ages of 4 to 8 I lived in multiple hotels to trashy run down motels. The one I remember the most is Super 8 motel in Columbus, Ohio.

I had good and bad memories in the places I have lived. My favorite hobbies was to swim if there was a pool and if not I would collect beer bottle caps. I loved to swim. My mom never has learned to swim. I always try to get her to learn but she will not let me teach her.

I am a PTSD survivor just like Mrs. Liz Ferro. Actually JUST like Mrs. Liz and that connects me even closer to her no matter how distanced we are as of this moment. She is one of my biggest role models and her words move me.

At 8 years of age I started kindergarten. But I also started to live with my grandparents. My oldest brothers best friend lived next door. They were friends from toddlers till now. His friend had all access and permission to come over when he pleased. He started to form bonds with me from a young age like a brother. But then he started to get become physically involved with me. Raping me for a time period of two years.

I told my mom but she didn’t believe me cause the way I react to upsetting things. So I had nobody basically.
For years I had this big secret that become a daily stress. I had a counselor. I started playing football for a team called Mini Broncos. I love sports and I loved being a part of the team. The only girl on the league.

All my friends and team accepted me. I was bullied throughout kindergarten to 4th grade. But I still had friends that I could always look to when I was down. “sometimes you may not have a friend.. but you always have yourself which is your best friend.” You have to be able to learn that through all of your low self esteem issues. I still am learning this.

I struggle with self harm (SI) BUT I do not allow that to be a reason for people to look at me in any type of different manner. “allow your positive achievements in life be the reason you are known, not scars on your body that doesn’t go away physically or mentally.” The doctors say my scars will never go away permanently.. “there is a miracle that happens every day in the universe”

I have been in placements such as Jail, group homes, psych wards, and residential placements for 3 years on March 23, 2015. Me and my mom make the best of life. We are not the perfect family, no, but nobody is. We are not the most worse family either.. there is people who are going through way much more in life. “you can feel bad about your life or you can change to do something about it to change it!”

I am proud to announce that I will be a free woman in October of this year. I will be emancipated out of Franklin County Children Services custody. I am not happy to say I have gone through this but I am glad to say that I am glad I could experience it all to become a stronger person today.

EVERYONE is a survivor of some type of personal torture, do not allow yourself to be a victim but a SURVIVOR! Stay strong. People out in this world love you. Keep your head held high to the sky even when the sun isn’t shining.

Thank you for taking time to hear my story. I encourage all of Mrs. Liz Ferro viewers to pass your own story along. Help Mrs. Liz make a change to the world. We all need to help better it.
Thank you once again. -Savanna